I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
