Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
