so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
