I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
