what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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