Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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