She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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