I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
