Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
