Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
