At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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