There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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