Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
