Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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