i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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