To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
be right there i have to get my cape
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
