They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
