She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
