We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
