I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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