I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
