he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
