the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
