Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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