im drinking this country out of the recession.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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