I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
