bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
