i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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