Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
