I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
