Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
