my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
