Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
