I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
