My cat gives me a boner
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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