Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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