i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
