Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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