I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My cat gives me a boner
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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