Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
