mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
