You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
