remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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