Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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