I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
