I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
