That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
