I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
