Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
