this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
