I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
