So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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