Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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