I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
